It's starts again.

It's time again to go for my exam. Two years ago I found a lump in my right breast. Not something any woman wants to find. It's one of my biggest fears... dying of cancer. I've always been a stickler for breast checks. I've heard so many stories of woman younger than I going through this when I found mine. God forbid if I ever get something, I want to catch it early. I'm a single mother. I can't leave my baby behind. He needs me. So checking is a weekly thing. Simple, do it in the shower. It's takes nothing of your time & could save your life.




So two years back I found a lump. A rather large lump in the space of a week. Okay so wasn't not panicking at that stage & made a note to call the Doctor in the morning. Off to the Doctor I went & I got the look... that sympathetic, she's only 25 & she could die look. Yeah I started to worry a little but until I knew what was going on I wasn't going to stress.




I was sent off for a simple ultrasound as I also had a lump under my arm which apparently goes hand in hand... who knew? I was having the ultrasound done when the lady asks how long I'd had the lump.. Ummm a week?? Okay we need to do a mammogram now. Can you please follow me. Oh kay! Freaking out a little by then.

Those of you who have ever been unfortunate enough to have one of those will understand when I say... Ouchie! I mean you feel abused when they're squishing & stretching your, what used to be intact with the breastbone boobs out on a cold machine & wait until they do the vertical squeeze.. Who would have thought they could stretch out that far. I think they need to spice it up for us ladies..make it a little fun for us, you know, here's where the last woman's breast stretched out to... see if you can beat that!! Oh yeah fun times!





So I went through all that to be told it's not enough... we'll now need to schedule you in for a biopsy. A biopsy on my breast! A great big freaking needle shoved in my precious skin & wiggled around so they can get samples of this thing growing in me. Fine. If it's going to save my life... do the damn thing.

Biopsy day... so everyone I know is stressing... I mean big time stressing. I was calm. Not even concerned a little. I was about to find out whether I was to be treated for breast cancer at the age of 25 & I was calm. My family were all waiting with me. I could see the dread on their faces & I was laughing. Apparently not appropriate at times like this. Well I was the one who was gonna die.. I have the right don't I?? Anyway, back to the biopsy.. They told me it's best to have it done without being numbed.. OH KAY! Hurts a lot more if they give you the needle beforehand. Umm, isn't the whole idea of having it numbed meant to make you NOT feel it. Whatever!!, just do it.

They're really nice to you, much nicer when you are having something like this done. Not like when you're pregnant & you have a blood test or something & the mean ladie stabs you with the needle & leaves you bruised for a week.. no, you're giving life & you're on cloud nine so they're not nice but when your life could be taken... much nicer. Sickly nice. It really makes you feel uneasy. So the horrible needle goes in & they don't just stick it in & take what they need, they circle it around & around & you feel the sharp needle pushing through your delicate skin knowing that's definitely going to bruise. Okay all done. Huh? Already? Yep a whole minute & it's over.. Not that bad. Less invasive than the mammogram. I'd actually choose a biopsy any day over that.

Results are in & I will need to come back for 3 monthly check ups. They can't rule out anything bad but at this stage things look promising. HUH? All that & you can't tell me a simple.. No you do not have cancer or yes I'm so very sorry & you'll need to start chemo straight away... Oh no, they're going to draw it out & make me suffer(clearly not as much as what women actually suffering from cancer but you get what I mean) I don't know what's worse.. knowing or not knowing. At least if they knew, action could be taken. Now I have to go in & get checked regularly & that's fine but I go through the same emotions every time & it really isn't nice. It's not a good lump but it hasn't turned into anything really bad yet so we'll just wait until next scan. Great.

I am very fortunate that it hasn't turned bad. I thank my lucky stars that I am not one of the other women or men who are going through treatment now. Losing their hair, feeling ill all time, having mastectomies, knowing that maybe..just maybe it may not work. This scare has made me see the lighter side of things & to not take things for granted. I could have been the minority two years ago. I may not have been here now. Take time to stop & smell the roses, you never know when your time is up. xo