Kids are no longer kids....

I am alarmed by the amount of younger children getting social networking accounts. I understand teenagers wanting a place to catch up with their friends outside of school hours & really, it's got to be a cheaper option & it leaves the phone line open for the rest of the family to use. When I was in my teens I'd race home from school, eat, run back out to see all my mates I had just left & come home before dinner. After dinner I'd jump on the phone & call my friends & spend the rest of the night there. So I do agree with social networks for that point. What a great way to keep in contact without having your parents screaming at you to hang up the phone.

My issue is the younger generation again. The one's 13 years and under. I was recently asked by my 7 year old if I could make an account for him on a very popular social website because he has friends that have their own accounts. 7 year old friends. After he went to bed I went on and had a look to see if these friends really did have their own accounts and he was right. Not only did these 7 and some 9 & 10 year olds have their own profiles but I was able to see all their information including mobile phone numbers & photos. I was shocked. Now I know for a fact you cannot have a profile unless you are over a certain age so they have gone & used a fake birth date & opened up a profile. What makes this issue worse is the fact that they are also friends with their parents on there. Parents that allow their young, innocent children to have these pages. Open for anyone to view. Scary.

I am finding it hard to keep up with this not so innocent generation. The constant demands for grown up things like mobile phones because 50% of their class mates have one. I am not even at the stage of allowing him to hand out our home phone number so he can call friends after school. I don't think there is a need. He has had conversations with his bestfriend, my bestfriend's child on the phone before but it's not a common occurrence. I really don't like to encourage that kind of thing. I had one mother say to me recently, Oh so you're Jay's Mum. My kid so & so has been talking to him on the phone at night. Umm no, actually he hasn't. Your child has been talking to the other Jay. That kind of thing doesn't sit right with me. Maybe I'm over protective, maybe I'm not but I certainly wouldn't have my child talking to someone night after night when I didn't even know the parents or at least have spoken to them first about it.

Which also brings me the the sleepover subject. Very scary thought for me. I had to be a certain age before my mother allowed me to have a slumber party. 12 to be exact. I was so very excited to have all my very close friends come over on my 12th birthday and sleep over. To have these kind of parties was a privilege. Something you got to look forward to like when you were old enough to shave your legs. Another very exciting time in a girls life. Anyway back to sleepovers. A friend of mine told me her 5 year old was invited to a sleepover. Huh?? She didn't feel comfortable with the idea at all and wondered how she would let the parents of the birthday child know. Would she make up a fake commitment?? etc Why do we have to be brought to lies because we are not comfortable with our five year old sleeping at some strangers house? Who the heck has a slumber party for a 5 year old in the first place? What happened to the hour long MacDonald's parties where you leave thinking, thank gosh that is over. All those hyped up, screaming children running around is chaotic but you get to eave it all behind an hour later. No staying over. No pulling your hair out because no one will sleep. No tears because 5 year old wants his Mummy in the middle of the night. Yeah I don't think so. Not going to be happening. Those are just the simple factors. I'm not even going to go into the safety factors. That's a whole other scary story.

So am I being unreasonable here? Do I allow him to follow most of the other kids or stand by beliefs and have him think I'm the uncool Mummy? I couldn't understand why I had to wait for things like these issues I've talked about when I was little but I certainly get it now. I guess I didn't turn out so bad for it. I actually thank my parents for making me wait for such things. What else would I have to look forward to if I had everything handed to me.

What do you think about these things. Do you agree kids should wait for such things?

Miss you.

It's been almost 3 years since I've seen you. The morning of September 27th 2007. I remember it like it were yesterday. I didn't want to go but I had to. It was one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make to leave you there that morning. I told you I loved you. I told you I would never, ever forget you, you would always be in my heart, our hearts. I knew you'd go then. It was Nana's anniversary. What a beautiful way to go. Reunited after 10 years to the day. I knew you'd hold out until then. She was waiting for you. It's quite a love story there. You really did love her so.

I think of you all the time. Bubba & I talk about you a lot. He misses you too. We look at your photos sometimes & talk about our morning tea's or our daily afternoon catch ups where you'd sit & watch him play. He remembers so much about you. He dreams about you. You tell him wonderful things in his dreams. I asked you that day to come back, to look out for Bub, let him know you're still around. You were never one to let anyone down & you're still the same now. He tells me stories of you, things he couldn't have known... wouldn't have known. I know that's all you. Thank you. It's helped Dad knowing you're still around. It's shocked him too. To answer your question... Uncle Shane has it but I guess you'd already know that now wouldn't you.



The family are meeting up in Emerald soon. Going to remember you & Nana. I won't be there this year. I hope you understand. I am sorry. You won't be far from my mind on this day. You're never far from my mind. I'm missing you today more than ever. I don't know why today is any different. I miss you always. Maybe because this is when you really got sick and we realised our time with you was limited or maybe it's because I know I wont be there next month. I've listened to your song a few times this week. Bubba & I sat there on Friday night & cried to it. I needed you then. It brought us both comfort to have your song. This year is going to be hard. I'm crying already just thinking about it. We're going to have a picnic out by the yesterday, today & tomorrow. It's in flower again. It's looking beautiful. I know on the day it will be in full bloom as it always is. I'm sure you'll be watching over, enjoying another picnic with us in the sun.



Missing you always Pop xoxoxo

I can breathe again...

Tonight I sit and smile. The stress of the last two weeks is over. After undergoing more tests to find out if the lump in my right breast had changed they found another one. One they immediately showed much concern for.

We were all prepared for the worst. There wasn't really too much to it. It was either a cyst that was infected which can show up similar on scans or a dreaded tumour. The FNA was done & I was told it wasn't a cyst. Not the greatest of news. I had been praying they would tell me right then & there it was a cyst & I could go home, celebrate with my family & girlfriends & laugh the stress off. No, that wasn't the case.

I had to spend another 24 hours waiting to hear. I got the results just this evening. It's benign. Be-freaking-nign! I can breathe again. My family & friends who have gone through hell & back again these last couple of weeks can breathe a sigh of relief. Tonight there is joy. We can go to sleep knowing that tomorrow the sun will shine.

I have what they call, Benign Proliferative Breast Disease. A group of noncancerous conditions that may increase the risk of developing breast cancer. It's something that I will have to endure for the rest of my life. It's not nice but obviously someone up there is looking after me. I will need to go for regular check ups & scans & FNA's to rule out cancer. Some bodies are like this & will form Fibroadenomas which are benign tumours. I also have quite a few cysts in there as well which is very common.

I have to go for another ultrasound in the next week to check the left breast as a new lesion has been found. I am not concerned this time. I'm pretty certain I will have the same result I have gotten these last two years. Benign, benign, benign!

I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to check your breasts. If you are ever in doubt, go to the Doctor. They're certainly not going to think you're silly if you're not sure. It only takes 5 minutes and could save your life. You don't have to be a certain age for breast cancer to take hold. It can happen to anyone. Please do the checks. You always think it won't happen to you. Well it just might. It doesn't have to run in the family. Chances are higher if it does but you could be the start. Don't let that happen. Don't wait. Make a conscious effort once a week while in the shower waiting to rinse out your conditioner to do it. It's as simple as that.

To all my beautiful family & friends, I thank you for enduring these last two weeks along side me. You have been amazing. I couldn't have gotten through it without you.

My little yellow Bear.

If you go out in the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go out in the woods today
You'd better go in disguise.

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

I cannot get the song out of my head at the moment. It's been stuck in there for days. I don't know why or even when I may have heard the song last but it is there & it's not going anywhere soon.

It's reminded me of my first teddy bears picnic. I was 5. I was at preschool. I took my favourite teddy bear ever, Harmony. He was bright yellow & used to play little lullabies. I used to click his paw & skip all the tunes to get to my favourite, Brahm's lullaby. I would play it over & over again until I'd fall asleep.

I never knew the words, I would just hum along to the melody. It was the most soothing thing in the world besides my mother's hugs. When I was feeling sick or scared in the middle of the night I would press his little paw & I would feel happy and calm. I still hum this tune to Jay if he can't sleep. It seems to soothe him the way it did me.

I still have Harmony to this day. I couldn't bear(no pun intended) to give him away. He sits in the top of my wardrobe with a few other things that are very special to me. I never thought to give him to Jay when he was little. I obviously wasn't meant to. I might, one day, if I have a little girl, pass him on. Someone who will understand the sentimental value of him. I know Jay is a very gentle child but I don't think he'd appreciate a bear like Harmony quite like a little girl would.

Harmony really is a happy memory. I'm so very glad he gave me the kind of joy I see Jay getting from his favourite things. I too will tuck those things of his away as I know how much they can mean to a person. Little or no monetary value but worth a million smiles.
So do you have a lullaby or a toy that you have passed down or kept just because you could bear to let them go?

Things I'm loving right now.

I'm ending this week on a good note. It's been a crazy week for me and I want to leave it all behind for now. Some of the things I am loving at the moment. Material or not, I'm loving them. These are in no order of preference.

My new phone. The iphone actually. I've finally caught up with the rest of the world, my mother included. Jay has had a ball teaching me how to use it, showing me all these wonderful apps to download. Don't even ask me how my 7 year old knows how to do all these things... he just does.


Okay so this one is followed on from my phone... an app I downloaded. Words with friends. A version of scrabble. Very addictive! Waking up and grabbing your phone to see if a word has been played before you've even said good morning or brushed your teeth addictive.

I'm loving long hot showers on these cooler nights. The end of a long day washed away till you're calm & relaxed.



Loving that Jay keeps answering my unspoken questions. I don't know how he's doing it but it's pretty cool. He's pretty intuitive but he's taking it to the next level here. He actually thinks I'm asking out loud & doesn't get why I'm shocked with his responses. I have witnesses to these things so I know I'm not going mad thankfully.



The rain at night this week. I love sitting & listening to it while I drift off to sleep. It's very soothing. Not so much during the day when your hair frizzes & you trample in puddles but at night while in the comfort of your bed. It really is something else.



I'm loving my new flower ring. I've never been one for floral anything but at the moment I can't get enough. All the pale pink & floral patterned clothing & accessories coming into stores for the new season. I can't wait for spring!



I am loving that I get to go see all my beautiful family up the coast for my Grandparent's birthday's tomorrow. All of us crammed on their patio eating a seafood buffet, shouting over the top of one another to get a word in. The laughter of all the Grandchildren together again, looking through a lifetime of family photo's. It's something we do every time we are there. My Grandfather getting teary over how wonderful we are & how grateful he is to have a family like us. I truly cannot wait.



I. Love. My. Friends. They really are the best. I know everyone says that about their friends but mine are better ;-) This week I got to see three of my favourite friends, my best friend's. Each one so different & so amazing at the same time. All going through their own battles but all making the time to laugh & smile with me. One I don't get to as often but nothing ever changes. It's always like I've just left her when we meet again. I'm blessed to have these precious soul's in my life.

So not all bad this week. In fact it's turned out to be better than I first thought. Have a great week end. I hope you can all find the good amongst the bad. It makes life's journey a little more fun xo

It's my turn.

People always say you only get what you can handle.. yeah well why does everyone seem to think I have to be the strong one. The one who deals with it all. Yes I guess I've been pretty lucky when you look at others & see what they have gone through but sometimes, just sometimes it's hard to see past that. Today I'm not okay. Today it is my turn. I'm being selfish. I don't care about anyone else's petty problems.

I am sick of hearing people whine about things like having to clean their house or do the groceries or the worst one yet...spend time with their children. I was shocked to hear the last one. I love the time I spend with mine. If it were up to me, I'd keep him home from school forever. I hate that I have to work through the week & then two Saturdays a month taking more precious time away from my little babe. I'm excited to finish work & come home to see him. I love that he still runs into my arms & gives me a big kiss when I come to meet him at school. I love the fact that I get absolutely no privacy whatsoever the moment the shower or toilet door closes & he must tell me the most important story ever.

Tonight while at work I answered the phone to hear down the line... 'Hello Mum! I love you, I miss you & I can't wait till you come home'. 'I want a cuddle'. Everything was fine of course but he just wanted to let me know. I needed it today. He didn't know, but I did more than ever. It took everything I had to not run out those doors & home to give him the biggest cuddle ever.

Today I'm falling apart. I hate it. I don't want to pretend everything is fine. I want to scream.. why me? I'm mad with the world. I'm up & down with my emotions. I don't want to sit & smile at people who aren't important. I don't care.

Yesterday I had my breast scan. All looked good & no changes to the lump. That's great news in my books. Today I got my results back. I didn't open them straight away like I normally do. Something didn't feel right. I'm pretty good with following my intuition & usually not wrong so I left it go. I went & did some shopping, didn't buy one thing & the day went downhill from there.

So the result isn't very good & I have a few cysts which is very normal but another lump has appeared, a solid mass which seems to look like a malignant tumour. For those of you who don't know what that means, it's cancerous. My fears have been brought to a head. I have to go in for another fine needle aspiration. There is a possibility it is just an infected cyst which sometimes can be of a similar nature on scans. They are concerned. I am concerned. I know I can't do anything about it until all the tests have been done & all the results are in but I am frightened. It may just be an infected cyst & I shouldn't worry until then but I honestly can't help it.

There may be a chance it is cancerous. A big chance, I don't know?... It's not something I want to deal with. I want to carry on with my happy life with my beautiful son & not worry about any of this. I don't want to think about the fact that if this is cancer, I may not be here to watch him grow. It is unfair. So you can understand when I say, today I am going to be selfish. I'm going to feel sorry for myself. I'm not going to listen to you whining about time spent with your children. I'm going to go snuggle up with my precious little boy & pray that I still have a lifetime with him.

Sisters

I've been very lucky to grow up so close to my little sisters. We're all 14 months apart. All very, very different but we get on so very well. They're my bestfriend's.




We are very close. I'm not sure if it's an age thing or just the way our parents raised us but we really do special bond. Growing up, we were the envy of all our friends. I never understood why. Now I get it.



We get to see each other a lot. We laugh like you wouldn't believe, we're serious when needed, we bitch if we have to but most of all we have fun.



They are the best Aunties to Jay. Although I have wonderful Aunts myself, I kind of wish I had Aunts like them. They're pretty amazing. They'd give him the world if they could. From the moment he was born they've cherished the ground he walks on. He & I are both very blessed.




We're closer now as we've gotten older. Maybe because we live apart, I'm not sure but we are. We look forward to the time we get together. Partners & all, we all get along.



Thanks Hayley & Melanie for being the gorgeous girls you are. I love you a million times over. I thank my lucky stars God chose you to be my little sisters. xo

Diet sshmiet!

Diet Time... I hate using that term. I'd much rather say I've decided to eat healthier. The moment I hear the word diet I instantly feel hungry.

So my sister is getting married next year & I have the honour of standing up at the altar with her & her darling fiancée along with a the rest of the bridal party.

Now here's the problem.... The bride & the rest of the bridal party are teeny, tiny. I'm talking size 6-8, maybe 10 in a really bad bloated week. Never had children or even thought about making a family. I on the other hand have, umm, how should we put this??? My body has character?? Curves?? I have one of those odd shaped bodies. Big boobs, a flabby belly, no butt & thighs built for playing football. Not the nicest of figures but I have given birth 7 years ago so that's totally my excuse. So I have decided to diet. Yes I said it again. Okay, eat healthier & maybe, just maybe do that thing some people call exercise.






So far in the few days that I have been on my health kick I've slipped quite a few times. Here is a little diary of my attempts so far..

Day one-
Breakfast: diet shake( doing good, gonna do it this time)
Morning Tea: a glass of coke Zero.(this is totally allowed)
Lunch: calamari & rice. (meh, I'm working hard so I'll burn it off)
Dinner: a huge ass roast dinner followed by birthday cake for dessert. (okay so I couldn't hurt Mum's feelings.. she'd gone to great effort for this dinner)

Day Two-
Breakfast: damn! forgot the shake. ( not so bad really)
Morning tea: diet shake.( ahh, back on track)
Lunch: pork rib-let.(it's protein right?)
Dinner: Steak, potato & mushrooms.(healthy enough I guess)

Day Three-
Breakfast: forgot the shake again. settled for a cheese & bacon pie instead. (I'm sure somewhere in the world this is classed as healthy)
Lunch: vanilla ice-cream with flake chocolate.(I admit this is totally badass)

Clearly I am doing so well. I'm trying to follow the guide in the booklet that says you have to eat Breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon & dinner. It's hard you know. I don't get the time to eat all those meals though.
So after today I've decided to scrap the healthy eating & go back to my normal diet. I eat less crap, more friut & vegies & drink more water when I am not eating "healthy" so I can personally vouch that diets are bad. Have fun, don't stress & all will be okay I say!

It's starts again.

It's time again to go for my exam. Two years ago I found a lump in my right breast. Not something any woman wants to find. It's one of my biggest fears... dying of cancer. I've always been a stickler for breast checks. I've heard so many stories of woman younger than I going through this when I found mine. God forbid if I ever get something, I want to catch it early. I'm a single mother. I can't leave my baby behind. He needs me. So checking is a weekly thing. Simple, do it in the shower. It's takes nothing of your time & could save your life.




So two years back I found a lump. A rather large lump in the space of a week. Okay so wasn't not panicking at that stage & made a note to call the Doctor in the morning. Off to the Doctor I went & I got the look... that sympathetic, she's only 25 & she could die look. Yeah I started to worry a little but until I knew what was going on I wasn't going to stress.




I was sent off for a simple ultrasound as I also had a lump under my arm which apparently goes hand in hand... who knew? I was having the ultrasound done when the lady asks how long I'd had the lump.. Ummm a week?? Okay we need to do a mammogram now. Can you please follow me. Oh kay! Freaking out a little by then.

Those of you who have ever been unfortunate enough to have one of those will understand when I say... Ouchie! I mean you feel abused when they're squishing & stretching your, what used to be intact with the breastbone boobs out on a cold machine & wait until they do the vertical squeeze.. Who would have thought they could stretch out that far. I think they need to spice it up for us ladies..make it a little fun for us, you know, here's where the last woman's breast stretched out to... see if you can beat that!! Oh yeah fun times!





So I went through all that to be told it's not enough... we'll now need to schedule you in for a biopsy. A biopsy on my breast! A great big freaking needle shoved in my precious skin & wiggled around so they can get samples of this thing growing in me. Fine. If it's going to save my life... do the damn thing.

Biopsy day... so everyone I know is stressing... I mean big time stressing. I was calm. Not even concerned a little. I was about to find out whether I was to be treated for breast cancer at the age of 25 & I was calm. My family were all waiting with me. I could see the dread on their faces & I was laughing. Apparently not appropriate at times like this. Well I was the one who was gonna die.. I have the right don't I?? Anyway, back to the biopsy.. They told me it's best to have it done without being numbed.. OH KAY! Hurts a lot more if they give you the needle beforehand. Umm, isn't the whole idea of having it numbed meant to make you NOT feel it. Whatever!!, just do it.

They're really nice to you, much nicer when you are having something like this done. Not like when you're pregnant & you have a blood test or something & the mean ladie stabs you with the needle & leaves you bruised for a week.. no, you're giving life & you're on cloud nine so they're not nice but when your life could be taken... much nicer. Sickly nice. It really makes you feel uneasy. So the horrible needle goes in & they don't just stick it in & take what they need, they circle it around & around & you feel the sharp needle pushing through your delicate skin knowing that's definitely going to bruise. Okay all done. Huh? Already? Yep a whole minute & it's over.. Not that bad. Less invasive than the mammogram. I'd actually choose a biopsy any day over that.

Results are in & I will need to come back for 3 monthly check ups. They can't rule out anything bad but at this stage things look promising. HUH? All that & you can't tell me a simple.. No you do not have cancer or yes I'm so very sorry & you'll need to start chemo straight away... Oh no, they're going to draw it out & make me suffer(clearly not as much as what women actually suffering from cancer but you get what I mean) I don't know what's worse.. knowing or not knowing. At least if they knew, action could be taken. Now I have to go in & get checked regularly & that's fine but I go through the same emotions every time & it really isn't nice. It's not a good lump but it hasn't turned into anything really bad yet so we'll just wait until next scan. Great.

I am very fortunate that it hasn't turned bad. I thank my lucky stars that I am not one of the other women or men who are going through treatment now. Losing their hair, feeling ill all time, having mastectomies, knowing that maybe..just maybe it may not work. This scare has made me see the lighter side of things & to not take things for granted. I could have been the minority two years ago. I may not have been here now. Take time to stop & smell the roses, you never know when your time is up. xo

Ekka Grinch!

Today is cold. Nothing about these August winds are nice. Chilled to the bone, lips so dry & sore, asthma, sinus... Ekka show is here & thousands of people will be lining up to get in. I could think of nothing worse.




My bestfriend has taken her three children today... hats off to her. Trying to barge your way through all those people, waiting in line for 30mins just to go on a ride you pay & arm & a leg for, children crying because they can't get that $35 show bag they want that aaaall their friends are getting, germs everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE!, the stench of cow pads scattered all over the grounds. That is what I would call a living HELL.




While I'm working away tomorrow, my wonderful dear friend Justin will be taking Jay. He will have the wonderful opportunity to experience something that brings me very close to a meltdown. Jay has never been more excited. This is his first time at the big show. He's been to the local show held annually but never the big one.

Jay hates big crowd's & rides but he cannot wait to go. He actually hates big slides or anything that's higher than him. Well not quite but close enough. I on the other hand love them. Anything except the ferris wheel. This would have to be the worst ride ever invented. It is scarier than anything I have ever been on. It goes so slow & rocks to the point you think it will un-hinged & you will plummet slowly & painfully to your death. A little dramatic I know but this is seriously how I feel about those damn things. Give me the fastest, highest rollercoaster any day over the ferris wheel.




I used to laugh at my little sister Mel. She was scared of rides. Any time we went to a theme park, Mum or Dad were left taking her on the chair lift while my other sister Hayley & I rode on ride after ride. I now look back & wonder if she'd known that she could handle the chair lift, another freakishly scary "ride" then all the other ones would have been a walk in the park for her & she wouldn't have missed out. It's a shame, it was a lot of fun.

So my favourite ride to date... The claw- there's nothing like swinging 360 degrees, 9 storey's high at 75km an hour. There are plenty of others I really enjoy but this one is a new favourite!



So I'll gladly stick to my theme parks while the rest of Brisbane head on in to the Ekka and be thankful Jay is happy to go with his Uncle Justin.. hopefully I can convince him to grab me a Bertie Beetle showbag. Showbags are the only thing I do like about the ekka even with their crazy prices . Oh but I can't forget the gorgeous little farm animals & the way the kids faces light up when they see them.


So will you be going this year? What's your favourite thing about the ekka?

My New Heater...

Just because he's a little bit delicious.... Okay so maybe a LOT delicious ;-) He's the kind of guy I wouldn't mind keeping me warm on this cold winter's night. What do you think?? I personally feel a lot of women would purchase a heater like this. I've rainchecked two already ;-) Hmmm.. oh to dream xo


Night xo

For Catrina.

It's not about who you've known the longest, it's about who came and never left your side...



Since I am having trouble with posting comments today I thought it might be easier to say how I feel over here. I was trying to post a comment on my friends blog in response to a beautiful post about her daughter & I.

So now I have you here I might as well tell you a little bit about her...

Catrina, my beautiful dear friend. I have only known a very short time in this life. We are in our third year of friendship now. We met during the prep year when our children started. We didn't know this at the time but we have somehow been connected for most of our lives, always just missing each other. Turns out that we actually live five houses away & she has passed my house everyday for years. It just so happens that I went to primary & high school with her brother & now sister in-law . My younger sisters went to school with her sisters too. Small world.

Unfortunately we didn't get to meet sooner. My life would have been very different if I had. Trina is an amazing friend. Not a day goes by that she hasn't worried for me, taken the time to ask things & genuinely cared for me & my family. I am so very blessed to have a friend like her. There's something about her. When you look at her you just smile. She's loving, comforting, kind, funny & a million things more. You can't help but to love her and her family.

My son has actually asked, god forbid anything happens to me, if he could go live with Catrina... she has won his heart & it makes me so happy to know that she would do it. She'd take him on as her own. She already has in some ways. The comfort & love he feels from her, enough to want her as his stand-in Mummy is truly a blessing and I know she'd do a brilliant job.

So all the days we've spent apart were well worth the wait. We are so alike yet so very, very different & that is how we work. I don't have to say anything & she knows what I'm thinking & feeling. There's some pretty strong bond there. I am a strong believer in fate, everything happens for a reason... We were meant to meet someday, maybe not 20 years ago no... we probably wouldn't be friends now. We've often wondered why we came into each others lives, until now I haven't known but this morning I realised that for whatever reason it doesn't really matter. She walked in when the others walked out. I have a friend that most people will never get the chance to have, a bestfriend, a sister, a connection that can't break. They say you can't pick your family, well I have. She's a keeper, she's family to me. I love her.