Today's the day. You left us three years ago. Nana left us thirteen. September 27. A simple day for most. For us it holds so much more.
I'm again feeling the panic of three years ago. Getting ready now to come over and see you for the last time. Knowing it's the last time and not being able to do anything about it. Wanting to scream to the rest of the family to come and see you because they are never going to have another chance. The ones that were there were meant to be. You'd made it pan out that way. You knew you were going and had who you wanted, I get that. I guess that's something they have to live with. They all try a lot harder now. They're all away to remember you both now. Granny too who would have celebrated her birthday today. They're yearly reunion. The fun and laughs of good old days. They try. I'm glad they do. They've learnt the hard way.
I remember waking thirteen years ago to hear the sobs of my Dad after Nan had passed. I remember sitting, curled up beside him, silent tears rolling, numb. She had gone. Never coming back. This morning I woke at 5.16am. I sat and watched the fog over the yard. Everything was quiet. Nothing. The world hadn't started. It was nice. A nicer start then before. I got to think of you both. Remember all the wonderful things about you.
I want to go back to a few hours ago when I woke up. I was clam. It really was so pretty outside. Today the sun shines. Much like the day you went. I would have been with you now. Sitting by your bed telling you to come back. You'd already made the choice. I knew there was no stopping you. Nan was waiting. I could feel her there. You were surrounded by love. My biggest regret is not telling Dad. He wasn't there until later. I should have warned him. Given him a few more hours with you. I guess he'd had his time. He'd been there all along. He only needed to be with you in your last hour. You wanted it like that. You waited for your boys. Waited for Dad. You only wanted them. You told them you loved them and you left. Gone forever.
Today we will have our picnic in the sun out by the yesterday, today and tomorrow. It's in full bloom like it always is. It wasn't going to happen as I'd planned but it's all worked out for today. The rain has stopped and I have taken the day off because Jay is unwell. This will make him happy being with you today Pop. We love you both and miss you everyday.
Thinking of you all, darling Pam. I'm glad you got your goodbye.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today. I am glad that you got the chance to say goodbye and that you can share the good memories with Jayden.
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts today as much as three years ago, as much as 13 years ago. I was there with you Gwen when you left for a better place.You spoke to me as a Mother does her daughter. I was not with you though, Keith, as we both knew I wouldn't be. I had told them all weeks before that you would go away that day, they did not believe. I had to work that day, I could not leave. I started very early, so I could be finished by 1pm. My colleagues thought me strange. I knew I could not be there, but you knew too. We had said our goodbyes, Gwen was waiting. She held out her hand for you to dance with her and you danced on to a better place, with the one you had loved your whole life, the one you pined for, the one you spoke to on those lonely nights. I know you are both dancing still. Thank you both for visiting this weekend. Your lights shine in many photos. Your eagles were spectacular. The butterflies and feathers were amazing. I kiss you both goodnight.
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